A woman asked her friend, "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?" The friend replied, "I made a simple rule: Sex will begin at 7 pm sharp, whether he is there or not."

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time, I could have dinner with my parents.

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don...

How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

My mom told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, 'Can I have a new bike?' He was very u...

The stork is the bird that brings the baby, but a swallow's the one to prevent it.

I would tell you a penis joke… But I don’t want to come across as cocky.

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

I’d make a masturbation joke. But they always get out of hand.