Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.

If I had a donkey and you had a chicken and if my donkey ate your chicken what will we have? Three feet of you cock up my ass.

What's the difference between being hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber.

Who was the worlds first carpenter? Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

I would tell you a penis joke… But I don’t want to come across as cocky.

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

I’d make a masturbation joke. But they always get out of hand.

What’s a good way to masturbate??? Get somebody to do it for you

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

If you were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that your addiction got out of hand?

My boyfriend went to bed naked. I think he has a boner to pick with me.

Who does anal? Assholes.

What's the difference between a hair stylist and a nail stylist? One does hand jobs and one does blow jobs!