Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

Why won't most women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like a nicely curved dick . Apparently, this isn't an appropriate answer at KFC.

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've be...

Condoms? Hah! Those are for pussies!

Why do women prefer old gynecologists? Their shaky hands!

Instead of "Who's your mommy" I accidentally said, "How's your mommy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing his mom's breast cancer.

What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.

That pussy though entails a quick announcement: brought to you by Charles Darwin: Women might have evolved to stay with partners who eat pussy

This reminds me of what Adam could have said to Eve the first time they had sex: Stand back, I'm not sure how much bigger it'll get!

Looks delicious just like a grapefruit! How is a pussy like a grapefruit though? The best ones squirt when you eat them

Ahh memories! This just came to mind right now. Way back when I was inexperienced performing oral sex for the first time. I asked, "Am I doing it right?" To which he replied, "Not if you're talking."